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aren't weekends for relaxing?

I don't quite know where my weekend went. I know yesterday was mostly spent relaxing, but today was a busy busy day.

I actually went to church at Central this morning which was shocking, but I made it. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent getting ready for the lock-in this friday for the youth group. Somehow I volunteered myself to help plan it. Standing in the line at Smith's today, Jeremy told the check out guy that we were planning a lock-in... 13 hours with 15 13 year olds. When you say it like that, its just exhausting to think about. But it should be fun. Really. No, I'm not convincing myself...

I've been here 9 months now, and I have to say that saying that is truly surreal. I can't think of my life without Saranam and without being in Albuquerque. I've changed a lot in 9 months, and I feel like there are a lot of changes ahead of me in the next 15 months. I could decide to stay here, but I just don't know. I'm starting to feel like I need to know what's next, and that makes me increasingly nervous. I suppose it also has a lot to do with a lot of the changes of a lot of my friends both here and home. People getting married, people moving away and going to seminary, it is all happening all over the place. I'm here in this period of life that is full of changes, sometimes good and sometimes bad and I want nothing more than to cling to something that is unchanging. I'm well aware that I've got a God that is completely unchanging and always loving, but clinging onto that while I'm changing is a struggle. Sometimes I just want to let go, walk away, deal with a job where I don't have a broken heart sometimes. But the reality of the matter is this; that is what life is all about. We live, we breathe, we're hurt sometimes, sometimes were ecstatic with joy. I wouldn't trade the reality of feelings for a world where we couldn't experience things like loss and pain and sadness. (The Giver anyone?) I guess it all goes back to needing to experience rough times in order to truly appreciate those times where we are showered with blessings. It may not make those hard times easier, but it definitely makes me thankful that I have the ability to experience all of these things.

Working with people is something I love, I love to witness change, but sometimes it is just plain difficult. No matter what, I'm learning to lean on things outside of myself. If I ever stop learning from others and think I know everything there is to know about working with people, I'll back down. Until that time, I know that working with people and helping them deal with struggles, and rejoicing in their joys is what I want to be doing. There is nothing more real than being there for other people.

We watched this video during US-2 training that was probably the worst video I've ever seen about helping others. I'm choosing to end this blog with a quote from that video mainly because I need a good laugh. So here you go, from a video about helping... "By realizing the helplessness of your helping, you become a better helper." While this may be just about the worst way to say it ever, it is totally true.
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