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I'm on the verge of something. I can't say what it is really, but I've just been in this sort of unsettling mood the last few weeks.

What do we do when something changes in us that we can't put a finger on? What are the things that can ultimately strike a chord with us so much that we end up reevaluating what we think and believe? For me, these changes, these unsettling feelings come through others. They happen when someone says something that just clicks, when I read a book that just points me in the right direction, or when I just know that what God is doing in my life is right even if I fight it.

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a couple of things about Rob Bell's Nooma videos. They really opened me up to some things that I had been struggling with personally. In between watching those two videos, I read Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis. I was completely blown away. So much so that I find myself picking it up and chewing on the contents repeatedly. So much so that I'm venturing to say that this book is serving a purpose to spark me on towards change.

I am not perfect. I will never claim to be. This book is raw, opens my eyes to things that I haven't been really looking for. In the introduction, Bell makes clear something that I am just beginning to grasp. "Times change. God doesn't, but times do. We learn and grow, and the world around us shifts, and the Christian faith is alive only when it is listening, morphing, innovating, letting go of whatever has gotten in the way of Jesus and embracing whatever will help us be more and more the people God wants us to be."

God reaches out to those who are reaching for something more. I can only ever hope to help others uncover the beauty of a God who cares so much about this world that the ultimate sacrifice was given. I've been reaching, groping in the dark, trying to figure out where I stand on things. For awhile, I felt I had pretty definitive answers. I think this unsettling feeling is finally figuring out that I don't have all of the answers, and never will. God is calling me, beckoning me into this ministry stuff, and no matter what, I need to own the fact that I don't have all of the answers. This is a journey, I could know everything about the history of the Bible, I could study with people who have very deep theology that makes sense, but I find that the more and more I search, the less and less clear everything is, but the more and more beauty I see.

I'm never going to fully grasp everything, it is the nature of humanity to be clouded and not be omnipotent. What kind of world would we live in if there was no mystery? What would we amount to if there were no challenges?

Faith is not logical. Faith cannot be dictated by science. Faith is something that is deeply rooted in emotion, and it is more powerful than anything I have ever experienced. What I'm learning is this; when we take faith out of our lives because we've rationalized God to the point where we don't need faith anymore, that is when we need faith the most.

This journey of self-discovery isn't easy, it isn't always pleasant, and life hurts a lot of the time. But that's part of the journey, and though it is rocky sometimes, it is all part of knowing and understanding that God's will in my life is something beyond reason, beyond my comprehension, and there are great things ahead for me.
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I got to the end and in my mind I could hear (whatever the song was actually titled) "OH Yeah" in a deep bass.

When I get back I'll send you the author, but I started this am a book called "Story" that you may get something from.

I also liked the was you said,"people who have very deep theology that makes sense" as I know a few who think they are deep and yet make no sense.
Though is sense a requirement for most theoogy?
I still say that I havefar more questions than answers.


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:41 PM  

hey!! totally exciting to hear from you! good to know you have a blog. i almost never update mine, but i am trying to be better about it :-) you will be my inspiration! alright girl, i'll catch you later.

love, jill

By Blogger jil, at 6:41 AM  

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