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another great night

I had another great night tonight, went and saw Look Both Ways, an indie film from Australia that has won some awards. It was a really good film that really tied the lives of a group of people together in a way that I had not really thought about before. Usually movies that have intersecting lives complete the story in such a manner that lives become tangled. This one was considerably more subtle than that, and I appreciated it because it seemed much more realistic to me. I mean 6 degrees of seperation really does hold true a lot of the time, but not always in overt ways. In any case, if you have a chance to see the film I highly recommend it.

The film dealt a lot with death, dying, and tragedy. And I couldn't help but think during it how miserable people must be when their lives are consumed with those things. When life is just so mundane that it is all that you think about or when life is just so tragic that you can think nothing more than that. I can't say that I haven't had those rough times, but there is always this underlying hope that transcends the completely dire situation. I guess it just served as a reminder to me that life is what you make of it, and it doesn't actually matter how you die, but how you lived your life. Really powerful message for sure, especially for me right now.

I seem to measure my life on how I impact other people, good or bad. If I don't think I've done enough for someone, I really struggle through that. I feel good when people truly benefit from the things I do. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm missing something though. If I'm missing an opportunity to really get out there and do the things I want and need to do because I'm too busy worrying about others. Can being too helpful really be a fault? I'd venture to say that it can be because you can really lose sight of yourself and who you are and then one day wake up and wonder where your life has gone. I really do think there has got to be some happy medium where you are able to take care of yourself as well. It is definitely hard with how passionate I am with what I do and how much I care about those around me to stop and really evaluate whether all that I do is healthy or whether I'm giving so much of myself that it might be harmful. This is why it is good to have these little reminders of taking care of myself and letting others take care of me. It helps me to really think about the things I value in life, and to work toward them without suffering from burnout, which is incredibly easy to do in the social service field.

Whether I like it or not, these past 11 months have really given me the opportunity to reflect and grow in unimaginable ways. Sure, sometimes I spend too much time analyzing things and stressing out about them, but when I look at the person I was when I got here and compare it to who I've become, I'm really thankful for those experiences. At dinner tonight, I was talking about some friends who I'm challenging and who are challenging me, and it was remarked to me that they respect me and my thoughts and opinions and I guess it never really occurred to me in that fashion. I've always spent so much time really looking up to people around me and have never really noticed the things I have to offer. God is certainly teaching me that I have more to give than just my heart which really brings me joy. I can only hope that I can bless others as abundantly and freely as those around me continue to bless me.
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