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i hate being lonely.

It is true, I really hate being lonely. As introverted as I am, sometimes I don't take solace in the silence of my apartment. Sometimes I just want people to understand me even though I feel like no one ever can. That's when I look for things that remind me of the beauty of loneliness. That's when I try to learn from where I am and see that for growth, one must go through some winters. My director at Mountain TOP, Natalie, knew I needed this perspective. I can't seem to find it now but the book that she introduced me to that changed some of my perspective on things is called "The Tree that Survived the Winter." I'm assuming I either loaned it out or left it in Bourbonnais since it isn't in my collection here. Anyway, this book goes through the life of this tree that struggles through winter and still comes out blossoming. The tree finds strength from those around it, especially from those who show it some love. In any case, it is a story of overcoming loneliness, finding hope and growing from experiences. Tiffany, the US-2 in Denver posted a poem a few weeks ago that I've really begun to relate to here. Those days where I struggle and miss home, and miss people from home, I think about this poem and how my time here is seasoned by the fact that I have to struggle through some loneliness. It is a part of life, but I didn't ever see myself being so far away from everything I've known this soon in life I guess. Thankfully, when I feel that loneliness, I have people here that remind me of that God shaped hole in my life. I have people from home who lift me up in prayer every day. I have people throughout the world praying for me. I know that my need of God is so absolutely clear, and when it gets rough, I turn to those that give me strength.

Don't surrender your loneliness
So quickly, let it cut more deep
Let it ferment and season you
As few human or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight,
Has made my eyes so soft,
My voice so tender
My need of God absolutely clear.

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly.

-Shams-ud-din Muhammad Hafiz
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1 Comments:

(*Sings) "Hey there lonely girl . . ." I was also sadened by no new Grey's. It will be a long summer for sure.

I find myself quite lonely these days too. All of my friends have moved on due to work or schooling or a combination of both.

By Blogger Joanna, at 12:22 PM  

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